Monday, July 18, 2011

Getting Older, Changing Moods

*After finally getting a chance to revisit this blog after a few weeks, I found that this post, which I wrote before going to Michigan, never posted. So I'm posting it now. Some of what I wrote may or may not have more meaning now that my Michigan trip has come to an end, but I think there are some good things in this blog. 

If you’re still with me after my recent hiatus, thank you! Things got a little hairy, I got a little lazy, and I decided I just needed to take a step back, give myself some down time, and focus on getting a few big projects out of the way before I could get back into my smaller projects.

While some things have been taken care of, life is still moving at a full stride. Big projects are still afoot, tapering off just enough to give me some time to do other things. Travel season for Jon and I is here. As of the time I’m writing this, we’re only a few hours away from heading out on the open road to Michigan to visit family and friends for a week. I’m excited, but I’m also nervous. It’s good to see family, but people change, even loved ones, and there’s no guarantee that we’re going to “click” and get along like we may have in the past.

Then again, there’s always the chance we may get along better, too, which is what I’m ultimately hoping for.

I feel like I’ve gotten older and grumpier and more apathetic, and while I go through “let’s do this” phases, most of the time I’d rather just hang out and chill. I’m not one to put forth a lot of effort into group activities. I’ve become more selfish, which isn’t a huge stretch since I’ve always been a bit self centered. I still play the passive aggressive card but my aggression has moments where it completely overshadows the passive side. I’m quick to judge and I’m quick to write people off who tweak me even a little bit from the start.

I’ve become arrogant, yet I hate arrogance in others. I love being the one who “knows” things, but I find it irritating when others go out of their way to spout off the things they know. I make mistakes and that’s okay, but when I have to fix someone else’s mistakes I feel the need to throw things.

When you break it down into these components, I sound like a horrible person, and yet I like myself more today than I did 10 years ago. I have a sense of self that I think continues to grow and change with age. I’m proud of my accomplishments, happy with the freedom I currently have in my life, and gladly loyal to those I consider true friends. Sure, I cry a lot, I’m not eating as healthy as I should be and some days my moodiness alienates people, but it’s all a part of who I am. Fighting against that won’t help, so I’ve learned to roll with it.

And contrary to what it sounds like, I do think I have some pretty good karma going, at least in some areas. So with this coming weekend, I will remember that not only have I changed, but so has my family and while we have memories of how things “used to be,” time makes it impossible for those things to stay that way.

Hopefully we can all roll with it and have a good time.

Friday, July 1, 2011

A Little Bit of This and That

Life is running at kind a kind of weird neutral right now. I have a lot to do, but it's been difficult with trying to keep with work stuff, going to the gym, and getting ready for our summer trips. I've been working on some research for a couple of projects as well and I kind of feel like I'm sort of at a standstill.

Besides the mundane things happening, there's nothing very topical to blog about. At least nothing that wouldn't enrage people, and I'm not feeling like enraging the masses at the moment. So just to keep up with the blog stuff, here's some random stuff happening in my world.

1. I love my gym. Having 24 Hour Access is great. In related news, my progress is slow but I am making progress. Note to those who don't know my current philosophy, I'm not making weight loss the focus of working out this time, since every time I do that, I just get frustrated and give up and gain back double what I lost. Instead, I'm just trying to get in better shape and just feel better overall. Compared to what my speed with walking was a month ago, I've definitely kicked it up a notch.

2. My writing hobby has drifted off but hasn't really been replaced by anything due to work and some research I've been doing for some smaller projects. I read a little bit here and there, haven't knitted in a long time, and use work time to watch TV. I'm currently watching "My So-Called Life" on Netflix. "True Blood" also started again, so I'll be keeping up with that as well.

3. I've been craving fruit like nobody's business and I haven't really wanted to eat anything cooked in about a week, or at least nothing cooked at home. I know we need to do some grocery shopping, but I haven't even wanted to eat hot foods. Last weekend, Jon and I were all about pizza hummus and pretzel bread. I think I could live off that for a week before getting sick of it.

4. My chiropractor turned out to be a God send. I credit part of my ability to move better to the gym, but a huge chunk of it goes to the doctor and his magic thumping gun. When I first started, I was going in twice a week, and now I'm down to once every two weeks. It wasn't necessarily a magic cure all, but it was just what I needed to get me moving again.

5. Last but not least, I'll be heading for Michigan in two weeks to spend much needed time with family and friends. I'll try to find something good to post and schedule, but I promise nothing. However, I'll hopefully have a lot of pictures of the great north to share when I get back. I'm really looking forward to it and it'll be fun to take the new car on her first road trip.