Monday, July 18, 2011

Getting Older, Changing Moods

*After finally getting a chance to revisit this blog after a few weeks, I found that this post, which I wrote before going to Michigan, never posted. So I'm posting it now. Some of what I wrote may or may not have more meaning now that my Michigan trip has come to an end, but I think there are some good things in this blog. 

If you’re still with me after my recent hiatus, thank you! Things got a little hairy, I got a little lazy, and I decided I just needed to take a step back, give myself some down time, and focus on getting a few big projects out of the way before I could get back into my smaller projects.

While some things have been taken care of, life is still moving at a full stride. Big projects are still afoot, tapering off just enough to give me some time to do other things. Travel season for Jon and I is here. As of the time I’m writing this, we’re only a few hours away from heading out on the open road to Michigan to visit family and friends for a week. I’m excited, but I’m also nervous. It’s good to see family, but people change, even loved ones, and there’s no guarantee that we’re going to “click” and get along like we may have in the past.

Then again, there’s always the chance we may get along better, too, which is what I’m ultimately hoping for.

I feel like I’ve gotten older and grumpier and more apathetic, and while I go through “let’s do this” phases, most of the time I’d rather just hang out and chill. I’m not one to put forth a lot of effort into group activities. I’ve become more selfish, which isn’t a huge stretch since I’ve always been a bit self centered. I still play the passive aggressive card but my aggression has moments where it completely overshadows the passive side. I’m quick to judge and I’m quick to write people off who tweak me even a little bit from the start.

I’ve become arrogant, yet I hate arrogance in others. I love being the one who “knows” things, but I find it irritating when others go out of their way to spout off the things they know. I make mistakes and that’s okay, but when I have to fix someone else’s mistakes I feel the need to throw things.

When you break it down into these components, I sound like a horrible person, and yet I like myself more today than I did 10 years ago. I have a sense of self that I think continues to grow and change with age. I’m proud of my accomplishments, happy with the freedom I currently have in my life, and gladly loyal to those I consider true friends. Sure, I cry a lot, I’m not eating as healthy as I should be and some days my moodiness alienates people, but it’s all a part of who I am. Fighting against that won’t help, so I’ve learned to roll with it.

And contrary to what it sounds like, I do think I have some pretty good karma going, at least in some areas. So with this coming weekend, I will remember that not only have I changed, but so has my family and while we have memories of how things “used to be,” time makes it impossible for those things to stay that way.

Hopefully we can all roll with it and have a good time.

No comments:

Post a Comment