Two minutes ago, I logged off of what became a 15 hour work day. There were a few breaks in there. I ate dinner, left the office, and exercised, but where my day job is concerned, my eyes have been glued to a computer screen for about 15 hours.
My brain is fried.
I don't consider myself a workaholic, but I do like to work. I like having a job, I like having the 8 to 5 stability, and I like getting things done. Right now I'm in overtime mode, which means I also like the extra money the work brings in, especially dealing with Jon going back to school and some recent doctor bills that were not covered by my Cafeteria plan (the year I lower it is the year I actually use it...go figure).
I sometimes straddle that fine line between a good employee and burn out waiting to happen. Right now, I have to admit that I'm not even thinking in terms of being a good employee. I'm not trying to cause trouble or anything like that, but there's alot of stress going down right now, and I'm feeling a little hurt about some recent decisions that were made around me.
Mostly what's driving me is this need to get things done. We implemented a new system and there's loads of work and it never seems to go down because we constantly have more coming in. Yet I feel like if I work hard enough and quick enough I can get it to a manageable level. Then I'll feel awesome.
What I need to try to remember is that even if I can do it (and really, it's going to take a lot of overtime and some miracles), I need to do it to satisfy myself, not anyone else. Because it's doubtful anyone will pay attention and because I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the person who does everything for a pat on the back and who constantly tries to win the approval of others.
I just want to be the person who does her job well, accomplishes something everyday, and can just be happy with the little things. And of course, brings home a little extra in the paycheck.
I just kind of hope I figure out my limit before I really burn out.